i need to distract myself. i want to be happy. to be busy. to not care. i wish there was a switch you could flick and it would turn off your heart. not the caring, sympathy/empathy part of your heart, but the infatuation part. the light would go off, and you could just not care that he lied to you about everything. i want to be the bigger person. but i also want him to understand what his actions have done. maybe one day someone will be able to teach him that lesson. i guess for now it's my loss. one day it will be his, as well.
i want to change. maybe i'll dye my hair. and update my wardrobe. paint my room a new color. eliminate all the junk and be more focused. learn guitar (my parents said i could take lessons!). be happy. get the most out of life as possible. i wonder if i'd be happy being stage manager. i don't know yet. and then there's steel pan. he'll be in both. i can't make my decisions based on that, but it makes me question how much i'll enjoy the activities.
why is it so easy to write this much on a blog, but i can't write a sentence about the brontes, my research topic?
i don't want to be sad. i have so much to look forward to in the next few days. my friends are incredible, and i wouldn't know what to do without them. oohhhhh omg i'm listening to the song bad bad world by guster. it's so good. go look it up. it might make you smile, too.
